so i realized i haven't been blogging as often as i said i would but i guess there're just too many things going on inside my head that i don't even know where to start. hence, the procrastinating and delay.

hmm, maybe i should start by wishing everyone a belated Merry Christmas! what did everyone do? i know i spent Christmas eve at home reading!!! like, how boring can that be right? everyone was literally partying their asses out while i was wishing i could count down to Christmas with that special someone. oh, how romantic it would be. haha. ok, i'm kidding.

but seriously, i felt so (what's that word? at ease, peaceful, serene?) laying on my bed with the aircon blowing in my face. i've never felt so carefree in sucha long time, but i didn't feel particularly happy. yeah, i've already told myself to live life happily as it is. attached or unattached? no matter. yet a tiny little part of me was still longing for a special Christmas, a Christmas not alone.

well, i gotta admit that it has been a long time hasn't it. lotsa things happened in these two years. things changed, people changed, i changed. i guess i'm no longer the Desmond i used to be. the one so full of himself, so readily able to commit, so unafraid to show the world what he's capable of. the Desmond i see now is just a pale shadow of his former self. with the low self-esteem and physical impairment (no worries people, i'm not short of a limb or whatever in that sense) totally not helping at all.

okay, i know someone out there is gonna give me those thrash talk all over again but c'mon, it's not like i can help it right? i can't possibly stop thinking about all these bad stuff about myself cos if it didn't exist, i wouldn't even be complaining right? but yeah, i know i should look on the brighter side of life. but i just wish there would be someone who could stay by my side, be it through good or bad times. i really hope it isn't too much to ask for.

anyway, in a few days it'll be another new year. let's pray that things would eventually get better while i await my own liberation on the 12th of may. yes, that is the time i'll be outta national service. till then, good luck to myself and everyone else stuck in the same situation like me. adios.